The school of dangerous driving
Yes ladies and gentlemen, the Schumacher School of dangerous driving is open for business once again. Founded in Macau in 1990, the school has constantly striven to uphold the ethics (or lack thereof) of the desperate racing driver who can't psychologically cope with being beaten. The school has proven to be massively popular with young, up and coming racers armed with a sense of entitlement and no intention of developing into a sportsman. We shall now look at some examples of the school curriculum:
Hungary like the wolf
The Hungarian Grand Prix on Sunday saw a real master-class by the head of the school, Michael Schumacher, firmly defending his position in front of the weak Rubens Barrichello. The Brazilian dared to attempt an overtaking move and was firmly shown the pit wall by our illustrious founder. Take a look at the good, hard racing going on below:
It is fair to say that Barrichello was overreacting, as the sponginess of the pit wall would have cushioned his impact as Mr Schumacher drove imperiously onwards. Clearly a fine example of clean, defensive driving that young racers should all emulate.
That was our most up to date lesson, but we can now also look at some of our previous tutorials on the art of great racing:
Don't mika me do this
Here it is, the move that helped found the school, back in 1990. Wait until the last moment, cut your opponent up and send him crashing out of the race:
He must never overtake you at any cost. EVER!!!!
Drive it like a Reliant Robin
Even with just three wheels, we can still defend our position and ensure that our opponent doesn't win. Even if you really have no right to be driving your badly damaged car around the track. It's YOUR track, NOT theirs!
Hang him out to (Canada) dry!
Well not exactly, hang him out... Just drive into him! It was your piece of the road and he was trespassing on it. Hit him, no one's looking. What do you expect if you're driving in Spain anyway?
Join the school
If you're impressed by any of the driving you have seen here, then get in touch, as our head instructor Mr M. Schumacher will be happy to coach you through the fine art of firm, defensive driving, with a spot of pathological lying thrown in for good measure. You can also benefit from his apprentice Mr Vettel, who will be taking classes in belligerence and petulance as well.
